Bittersweet
by xaveriix
Summary: She tried to remind herself that he would mock her if she ever cried in front of him. A dry laugh echoed in the room. He's dead. There's no way. (WARNING: Tenten-centric. Character death happens before the story takes place).


She couldn't believe it. She had to lean against the door frame to support herself as she looked at the package in her hands. The color draining from her face as she re-read the name on the package over and over again to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. A choked sob escaped her lips as she slid down to her knees and leaned her head against the door. This had to be some sort of prank but who would dare land such a low blow? She closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay as she brought her knees to her chest, package forgotten at her side. She promised she wouldn't cry anymore. She's done her fair share of crying on that day. She tried to remind herself that he would mock her if she ever cried in front of him. A dry laugh echoed in the room.

_I finally lost it._

_He's dead._

_There's no way._

_I saw it._

She stayed away from his family members. Keeping quiet when his cousin came by and knocked on the door to try and coax her out of her apartment. She didn't want to see the pity in those eyes. The eyes that reminded her so much of him. She hasn't even talked to her exuberant teammate since the funeral. She didn't even bother to listen to the voicemails anymore as she couldn't handle to hear the pity in their voice. Moments passed. Hours, minutes? She couldn't tell. She didn't bother to remember what day or what time it was anymore. She's lost any sense of purpose that day.

She grabbed the package before getting up almost robotically and walked down the dark hallway and into the kitchen. Not even bothering to turn on the lights as it gave her headaches, she threw the package into the empty trashcan with deadly accuracy, hearing the loud thump it made as it hit the bottom. She then walked over to the sink, turned on the tap and splashed some water onto her face. Rubbing her cheeks with more force than necessary to remove any evidence of crying. Her dark surroundings reflected what she was feeling. There was no light. There hasn't been any light for almost a year, and she doubted there would ever be any. Light was streaming through the curtains above the sink, illuminating where she was standing in a soft orange glow. Her skin was paler than usual, and her clothes hung looser around her frame. Her eyes having lost their warmth, were now dark and empty. Her hair usually in their traditional buns were now knotted, and haven't seen a comb in a long time. Her hands usually smooth were now all nicked and filled with scars, and her lips, chapped.

Her dreams of being just like Tsunade, her fierce demeanor, and her bubbly personality seemed to have vanished the moment she heard the news. The person she is today is only a hollow shell of what she used to be, and she came to terms with it without a fight.

She knew what she was doing wasn't healthy. She remembers reprimanding Ino when she went on those ridiculous diets but she couldn't bother to care anymore. She knew that if he was still around, he would give her that disapproving glare that would make her stomach churn. She always did everything she could to make him respect her. To make him see her as an equal and not some inferior species.

She slammed her fist against the counter, ignoring the throbbing pain and the bruise that would appear from it in the morning. She pushed the toaster to the ground, followed by the kettle, and everything else on the counter tops. Once all that pent up frustration was finally released, her loud breaths could be heard in the dark room. She left the room but not before kicking the trash can against the other side of the room.

She sat there on her bed. Her eyes void of any emotion as she stared at nothing. She couldn't sleep. Hasn't been able to for a long time because she knew the moment she closed her eyes she would see him covered in blood, a root sticking out of his chest, and his eyes once void of emotion, now void of life altogether. She didn't want to remember, she was already haunted by the memories when she was awake, she didn't want to sleep if all she would see was the last thing she ever wanted to remember.

She couldn't help but blame herself even though they all said it wasn't her fault. They promised they would have each other's back. She was one of the few who knew about his blind spot. Even if Naruto told her exactly what happened, she knew she could have done _something_, anything to keep him from _dying_.

_Who am I kidding?_

_He jumped over her._

_He wanted to… It was his choice._

_No… I should have been there._


End file.
